Dear _______ ,
I so often feel like I am a ________ trapped in a cage; pacing the walls ready to break free.
What is outside this cage that I have to get to so badly?
Sincerely,
_______
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Thursday, December 3, 2009
french press
it could be simpler
we the filters spreading lies
serving needs our needs the thirst
the thirst for more more more in-for-more-mation
but not with me not with you u you not with anyone
there isn't a mess in this hall
there is a dirty procession of information information
is this not the bitchiest bitch the slut always coming
on too too to strong too much not enough
there is it? is that it? no no no no there it's not
but wait i see it then i lose it and we wonder
we see it we loosen up and the slut wants more
this information age shit is a bitch
i'm tired of looking at it
i'm tired of thinking about it
and when i don't think about it
i still think about it more more more moires
moires wrinkling the brain the filter the noise
slandering my perception perspectives lost
because there is always more i don't want more
want less less is more more is less then the conundrum
pontificating percolating electrifying the grid is fired up
there is no room there is more there is no room
there is always much more there is not enough
the filter is dirty the grime must mean nothing
nothing is everything nothing is something worth doing
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Life of a Vacuum
A balanced concept in a contained universe,
that would be the only way we can see eternity.
Equilibrium held in constant stasis,
this might stop erosion, decay;
this road leads to pure logic.
No hindrances of a soul smitten
or love of anything.
No more emotions, simply ants
without a human percept,
parts of a machine untouched
by any forces, running till
infinity.
what is the spark, the trickling, the instigator,
that takes away the genuinely fluid, unknowing,
robotic, automatic machine, a whole,
from its mundane but perfect existence?
What is it that introduces change, chaos, sympathy,
ethics, the qualities of decisions?
A contained universe can not be contained,
it can not be traced back in history due to
our existence on the edge of the prehistorical
renaissance.
There are leaks in the container,
the sieve of reality lets us
breath through this earth.
that would be the only way we can see eternity.
Equilibrium held in constant stasis,
this might stop erosion, decay;
this road leads to pure logic.
No hindrances of a soul smitten
or love of anything.
No more emotions, simply ants
without a human percept,
parts of a machine untouched
by any forces, running till
infinity.
what is the spark, the trickling, the instigator,
that takes away the genuinely fluid, unknowing,
robotic, automatic machine, a whole,
from its mundane but perfect existence?
What is it that introduces change, chaos, sympathy,
ethics, the qualities of decisions?
A contained universe can not be contained,
it can not be traced back in history due to
our existence on the edge of the prehistorical
renaissance.
There are leaks in the container,
the sieve of reality lets us
breath through this earth.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
intangible assets
waiting for contact
contact there isnt enough of it
and im still waiting for lusting it no
no contact no to waiting for it
still waiting for it
in the eyes of another
touching staringly stretched
fiberous tentacles gleam not physical
and ask physics professors about it
they wont explain it but may defer to their wives
about how one can touch without fingers
fingers cant be this kind of contact
for they cant reach that deep into my skull
where the nourons play fingers interfere
such is the contact im waiting
...well a massage WOULD be nice...
somemidpointofdreamsreality
therethT' look am iimagining that
is she looking this way or just dancing
its just dancing in between the real and dream
Saturday, October 31, 2009
The Lament of Man and Woman (Venus)
Right now I feel at odds with myself. What does that mean, you ask?
Well, I am told that I was too inebriated to understand my own banter, my own argument. Fact is, I don't believe that for a second. I know what I was feeling as I spoke. There was a huge feeling of disappointment, but thats only something that arose at the end.
It started with a simple slip up. I simply couldn't make the right decision about where to go and that decision, I agree, was related to the amount I drank. Shortly after I had made a bad decision, I decided to ask Venus, "where are we, where should we be going?" Somehow my translation of that simple message turned into a blowout where I had blamed Venus for going the wrong way. I probably did make a statement to this affect, but I had no idea how volatile/explosively it would be taken. Even though I can't categorically say that this was the basic conclusion, I am willing to accept that as the conclusion. While that was the main point being made, I was generalized about, I was told that I was horrible, that this situation was somehow related to a bigger issue with our relationship. That she was tired of our relationship due to this reason. I must admit, I feel that this is a huge stretch, to be even more honest, stretch doesn't do justice to what it really was, just a strand of nothing prodded real.
I tried my best in my state of mind to quell this idea, to move forward or on or something of the sort. I agreed to some basic terms which stated that the whole argument had been blown out of proportion and that we would start fresh. A few minutes later Venus passed out. I knew the next toll was coming but it was at least 10 minutes away. While I had the option to wake Venus up earlier, I decided to wait till we got close before waking her up (especially since she had change from our last toll ballgame). I got close and then tried to wake her up, once she was up, she gave the money and immediately proceeded to berate me (in the exact same fashion as was done before)and before anything could be said, we sat in yet another argument. This time, she had decided that I must have really meant something negative (to be honest, I am not sure). I sat in my seat, without a word to her, dejected, I didn't know how to feel and the first thing that became apparent to me was a feeling of rejection. The feeling was crying, I let that feeling go (without a word) and within a few seconds, I had Venus judging my tears, the basis for them, to her, must be bullshit, or pity or something selfish.
The funny thing is, the basis for them was real. I had really tried to just be nice for a second, having felt bad about whatever had occurred just previously. Somehow it backfired. In any case, the argument went back to where it was previously and even until we slept, there was no deviation from what had happened before.
I tried to go to the bathroom once in my apartment but all I felt were the same tears. I tried to cry them away but that failed and I realized I just needed to keep moving, pushing the hour of sleep, hoping to be left alone, analytical of my undetermined shortcomings.
I now sit here, having finished these thoughts, I feel a little bit better having got them out. At the same time, a certain amount of doom has crept into me, but I guess thats what keeps us human.
Well, I am told that I was too inebriated to understand my own banter, my own argument. Fact is, I don't believe that for a second. I know what I was feeling as I spoke. There was a huge feeling of disappointment, but thats only something that arose at the end.
It started with a simple slip up. I simply couldn't make the right decision about where to go and that decision, I agree, was related to the amount I drank. Shortly after I had made a bad decision, I decided to ask Venus, "where are we, where should we be going?" Somehow my translation of that simple message turned into a blowout where I had blamed Venus for going the wrong way. I probably did make a statement to this affect, but I had no idea how volatile/explosively it would be taken. Even though I can't categorically say that this was the basic conclusion, I am willing to accept that as the conclusion. While that was the main point being made, I was generalized about, I was told that I was horrible, that this situation was somehow related to a bigger issue with our relationship. That she was tired of our relationship due to this reason. I must admit, I feel that this is a huge stretch, to be even more honest, stretch doesn't do justice to what it really was, just a strand of nothing prodded real.
I tried my best in my state of mind to quell this idea, to move forward or on or something of the sort. I agreed to some basic terms which stated that the whole argument had been blown out of proportion and that we would start fresh. A few minutes later Venus passed out. I knew the next toll was coming but it was at least 10 minutes away. While I had the option to wake Venus up earlier, I decided to wait till we got close before waking her up (especially since she had change from our last toll ballgame). I got close and then tried to wake her up, once she was up, she gave the money and immediately proceeded to berate me (in the exact same fashion as was done before)and before anything could be said, we sat in yet another argument. This time, she had decided that I must have really meant something negative (to be honest, I am not sure). I sat in my seat, without a word to her, dejected, I didn't know how to feel and the first thing that became apparent to me was a feeling of rejection. The feeling was crying, I let that feeling go (without a word) and within a few seconds, I had Venus judging my tears, the basis for them, to her, must be bullshit, or pity or something selfish.
The funny thing is, the basis for them was real. I had really tried to just be nice for a second, having felt bad about whatever had occurred just previously. Somehow it backfired. In any case, the argument went back to where it was previously and even until we slept, there was no deviation from what had happened before.
I tried to go to the bathroom once in my apartment but all I felt were the same tears. I tried to cry them away but that failed and I realized I just needed to keep moving, pushing the hour of sleep, hoping to be left alone, analytical of my undetermined shortcomings.
I now sit here, having finished these thoughts, I feel a little bit better having got them out. At the same time, a certain amount of doom has crept into me, but I guess thats what keeps us human.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
HEADLINE: The Space Monkeys Have Landed
you are not a suit
you are not the symbol on your t-shirt
you are not the clown
you are not here to make yourself laugh
you are not the occupation
you are not the car
you are not the tax refund
you are not the number on the forms
you are not the star role
you are not the favorite
you are not the dream
you are not the source
you are not the list
you are not the expert
you are not the teller
you are not the phony
you are just...
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
the bowler
sliding down into the wedge
conversations seize up
and grind gears without oil
back and forth
the wrecking ball and the chisel
Goliath, take two
cold sinks in
and molecules slow
etch this one
and remember tactics
with next week's scorecard
coal chugs, soot fumes
clanging metal lubes
the abuse resumes
iron, heat, pound, grind
underground elemental battle
splash
sssssssssss.....
crank, the twisting revolt
marred and deformed
the solid conflict against solid will
clink
thunk
clink
thunk
clink
thunk
conversations seize up
and grind gears without oil
back and forth
the wrecking ball and the chisel
Goliath, take two
cold sinks in
and molecules slow
etch this one
and remember tactics
with next week's scorecard
coal chugs, soot fumes
clanging metal lubes
the abuse resumes
iron, heat, pound, grind
underground elemental battle
splash
sssssssssss.....
crank, the twisting revolt
marred and deformed
the solid conflict against solid will
clink
thunk
clink
thunk
clink
thunk
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