life, you are death's subordinate

lying supine
eyes open, then closed.
oxygen tube in my nose
I.V. in the hand click-drip-click-drip
blood pressure cuff compressing every three minutes.

and in the distance there is ambient noise
doctors and nurses chatter
Ashley stands with attempted poise.
beep-beep beep-beep-beep beep-beep

as I look up at the pale white ceiling
and the flourescent lights providing their 21st century buzz,
my mind is in a state of existential reeling.

tears roll
my body is still
i am still and aligned
with so many other souls
still and aligned
we listen and contemplate
our discomfort is of little concern
it's our vital signs that are vital

i am with you then and i am with you now
i know now something about that experience
click-drip click-drip click-drip
mumble murmer

such deep sadness waves over me
why can't i appreciate oxygen unless i have none?
why can't i appreciate pain in its absence
life, you are death's subordinate

squeeky wheels zoom by with a doplar effect
and they return.
she looks in the window, references her chart, and enters
apparently i've gained enough consciousness;
it's time to pay.

not even 24 hours later,
i can't recall what it felt like - not being able to breathe.

beep-beep beep-beep-beep beep-beep